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Post by Ana Coppola on Oct 11, 2009 1:27:49 GMT -6
Eddy had gone days without wrestling. And days lead to weeks, and weeks lead to months, and months lead to years, but luckily it hadn't been a year. For if it had been a year, then truly the Eddy Introspect you see before you today wouldn't have been the same Eddy Introspect that he was just a year or so ago. But nevertheless, as days past by, Eddy had to look for ways to pass the time. On the first day, he watched television. On the second, he rediscovered his ancient Nintendo 64, and proceeded to create himself in WWF No Mercy. On the third, he devoted himself to helping old ladies and their millions of groceries cross the street. But it would become so soon that he would get bored of this. Bored of living. Bored of breathing. Bored of eating. So on the eighty-eighth day, he decided to die.
He had thought about it constantly for the last sixty days, pondering, wondering, contemplating. Who would care? Would anyone notice? Is life worth it? Can a new pair of ever-so-tight jeans save me? But of course, the answers were "no one," "possibly not," "are you joking?" and "perhaps." And a 'perhaps' just never did cut that important piece of metaphoric cheese. So, it was on this eighty-eighth day that Eddy finally decided that life just wasn't worth living.
Jobless.
Sally had left him.
And his jeans just weren't as tight as they used to be.
All these things...had lead him to this very moment.
"F-7." Sitting on a very uncomfortable steal chair, pant-less, and his right hand rubbing the radical goatee that was surely under his depressing mask, Eddy was staring at what looked to be a game of Battle Ship, but for the sake of CWE possibly facing copyright infringement, let's call it..."Grids with Ships." His hair-less legs shining underneath the room light, the a look of determination was on his mask. He wanted to win this. His life was on the line, for if he lost, he had decided that this would be the end of it all. The ending. The final stand. The ultimate game. The most dangerous game. The dirtiest game. Grids with Ships: Stripper Edition.
Each sunk battleship meant you stripped an item of clothing.
And sadly, Eddy had already lost his pants, which were laying lifelessly on the floor.
His concentration fading, his gut heaving over the lack of tightness, and the embarrassment of facing the public with perfectly shaved legs, everything was on the line as Eddy Introspect faced his most naughty foe....
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Post by Jennifer Faerkaine on Oct 11, 2009 18:04:06 GMT -6
"Miss, slapnuts."
Jennifer sat in a steel chair of her own, her feet crossed and propped up on the table they were playing on, an open beer sitting on one side of the game and a half eaten super burger from the CWE cafeteria on the other side. She was still fully clothed, sure sign she was winning this stripper edition, which was more than likely her idea because she had all the modesty of Anna Nicole Smith.
"Eddy I believe I can say without shadow of a doubt your aim is worse than my brother's when we go bowling, and he's the only man I know who can hit a strike, on the lane that's three lanes down from our own."
People played games Jennifer at their own risk. Because she would drive you in the ground on even the smallest failures. As it came to be her turn, she raised her fist and struck her own chest The impact forced a humongous belch that came form the bottom of her stomach.
"That was a good one. B-10."
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Post by Ana Coppola on Oct 11, 2009 22:52:41 GMT -6
It had been like this all night. Each miss, he would receive an insult, then each hit, he would receive an even greater one, really demeaning his sense of self-worth with every thought-over move. He had already lost his shoes, his socks, and his tight pair of ever so tight jeans, and with this coming hit, he would be reduced to just wristbands, his weeping mask and his previously white pair of tighty-whiteys. Letting out a mournful sigh, "Are you cheating? Can you see them?" he looks over his shoulders, then underneath his chair, looking for any signs of anyone feeding her answers, but of course, the crowd surrounding them looked to be the most modest mob anyone had ever let their eyes on. "Hit. Again." Face-palming, he picks up a red peg, and places it on his submarine...and it was then that he noticed it no longer had any more holes.
The glasses on his mask widening, "NO! DAMN YOU!" His hand nervously shaking as he placed the red peg on the last open hole on his submarine, he could do nothing but feel shame and embarrassment as Jennifer Faerkaine was getting closer and closer to her clean sweep. Eddy wasn't going to see any boobs tonight, even when cupped nicely within a (what his imagination imagined) lacy bra, unless his last few moves were absolutely perfect. "I can't believe I ever even agreed to this," he mumbled while he fought with his shirt, doing his best to take it off smoothly, "God, what a poor innocent boy would do just to see some skin." Pulling his shirt over his head, he throws it on the grown angrily as a look of even greater determination came upon his introspective mask.
Humming loudly, as if he this next move would surely be his almighty trump card, he strokes his chin again as he picks up another red peg from the hefty pile on his side of the board. "If I don't hit this, then this is an absolute travesty, a TRAVESTY I TELL YOU! I was neighborhood champion when I was just a mere lad, the fact that I'm losing to a girl, and nevertheless, a girl with vibrantly pink pig tails, is utterly DEPRESSING!" He pauses, as his voice suddenly becomes deep with manliness, "But fear not, for this next move surely means that finally, I, and everyone watching, will at least see some panties. Mwahaha! B-8! And you can suck on that....metaphorically shaped sentence that is shaped like a real man's joystick!" Eddy slams his fist on the table, with a loud bang.
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Post by Jennifer Faerkaine on Oct 11, 2009 23:10:30 GMT -6
Eddy had managed to sink one of Jennifer's ships, but only the small patrol boat that only took two hits. So all she had lost were her gloves and her shoes. Eddy's strike on the table caused Jennifer's beer to tip off the side of the table and hit the ground and spill everywhere.
"You owe me a beer."
Jennifer scoured the grid where Eddy had called his shot. Eddy saw her blink twice and then let out a long exasperated sigh. "Hit. Sniveling little emo perv."
Jennifer placed the red peg on the ship which was her aircraft carrier. The men in the crowd got a little silent as Jennifer began to lift her black t-shirt, but hopes were quickly dashed when they saw she had a white tank top on that didn't even show cleavage.
"What? Did you think I'd be unprepared just in case you got in some lucky shots? Pervert. E-9."
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Post by Ana Coppola on Oct 11, 2009 23:45:09 GMT -6
"Alcohol is for the weakhearted, I would never purchase such liquid courage just to settle your unwavering nervousness!" Is what Eddy immediately said in response to Jennifer's comment after her beer shattered on the previously spotless floor. "But nevertheless, I suppose I co-co-co-co-co-" It was here that Jennifer began to take off her black t-shirt, resulting in hash lighting, slow-motion, and equally as depressing music began to linger in the background as Eddy's emotional imagination began to run wild. But then, as the shirt lifted higher, and higher...the lack of skin began to ruin the entire situation. "-could. What? No! I retract my statement! I WILL NEVER PURCHASE YOU ANOTHER ROUND OF ALCOHOL!"
Sneering off to the side, he couldn't believe he felt himself being aroused by a white tank. It was embarrassing! And Eddy Introspect wasn't a pervert! He was merely falling victim to his innocent, and black hearted desires. It wasn't his fault if people, especially woman, saw it as something entirely different. Not at all! "And yet, I wasn't the one who even suggested we added the twist. Admit it Jennifer, you just wanted to see a perfectly sculpted, yet, not quite as masculine, pale body. Only rival to that of a malnourished, bulimic young lady going through difficult high school dramas." He poses, thrusting his torso in a such a manner that one may assume something entirely different was happening within this crowded room of eager Grid of Ships players.
Grabbing a white peg, without thinking, he looks at the board, and locates the coordinates Jennifer specified. Laughing, "Am I distracting you? Is my body reflecting this light harshly into your eyes, fogging your vision? Because, you just missed daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahling." Someone was watching too many episodes of the live-action Batman series on cable. "G-6."
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Post by Jennifer Faerkaine on Oct 12, 2009 0:01:14 GMT -6
"You're 10 pounds short of being sent to a mandatory weight loss program by management and you're white enough to reflect light to the point that I believe I should wear sunglasses because it's burning my retina. Yes, I TOTALLY wanted to see that." Jennifer's voice of course was dripping with sarcasm and venom. "I just wanted to see if all men were foolish enough to put their pride and dignity on the line if the chance of seeing a naked woman presents itself. And so far they all have been. Sad really."
"And stop posing, before my foot makes contact with a vital area of your body. And maybe you should put the sunglasses on also BECAUSE YOU MISSED SLAPNUT!!"
Jennifer jammed the white peg into the indicated slot on her half of the game force enough to shake the table lightly. "A-1." It was a cliche move but she was kinda hoping Eddy had the same dumb streak her brother did in putting a ship in A-1.
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Post by Ana Coppola on Oct 12, 2009 0:57:27 GMT -6
Oblivious to any sense of sarcasm, Edward thinks to himself, "I knew it." Supposedly there was a reason Crybaby was attracted to this amazing hunk (or lack there of) of pure manhood. Smiling underneath his gloomy mask, "Pride? Dignity? You must be confusing me for someone else. I am above such petty nouns, I'm immune to feeling such silly emotions. I am a man of love. A man of sweltering courage. A man so sensitive that one may sometimes question my masculinity, but pride? Dignity? Are you even aware of who I am?" He haughtily laughs at himself, "I'm Eddy Introspect, a man filled with many emotions, but none of which are labeled this 'pride' and 'dignity' that you speak of." He pauses, then points at his face. "I wear a mask for a reason my darling Jennifer. No one shall ever put a real face to my daunting physique."
He laughs again at he looks down at his grid, and sees if he put any ship on such a famous coordinate. Sneering away, then picking up a red peg, he regretfully responds. "You hit me, but you didn't sink anything. This ship isn't sunk, and this war is far from over. Though...you did put me in such a mood for the saucy zest that is A-1 steak sauce." He licks his lips, only to be met with the taste of masked leather. Far from steak sauce, but something he was used too. Placing a hand on his chin, he ponders his next move once more. After five minutes, he raises a finger, "Surely, I've thought this this through, and surely this should result in a sunken battleship. MARK MY HUMBLE WORDS MY BOOBACIOUS FOE. H-3!"
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